I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
