the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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