Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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