i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
