dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think i have herpe
just one?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
