I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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