Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
