non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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