My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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