Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
