This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
