there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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