My friends, they love my intelligence
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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