I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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