My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think people are normalizing furries
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
