so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
