forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
