His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
