What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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