You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
