I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
