apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize