either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
