Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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