the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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