I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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