Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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