but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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