i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
