did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
