i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
