I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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