I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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