My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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