omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize