I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
