420 ftw
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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