I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
