Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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