Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
