apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
