You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
