I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize