apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
