just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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