1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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