seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
