the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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