you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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