I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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