DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
