Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize