the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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