Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
