i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the raccoons are back...
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