there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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