I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My balls are so social today.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
