Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
