You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
