Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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