I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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