Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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