Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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