so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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