the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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