It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
