thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
