it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
