Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
