Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
