guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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