I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
