Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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