Porn is love you can see.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize