I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
