Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
