hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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