remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
