You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
