If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
