Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
