he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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