Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
tell me about the fingering
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
