I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I could fuck to npr.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
