i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
