Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize