drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You're like the curious george of whores
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
