What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
