So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
