Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
