last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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