Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
