nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
