you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
