the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
