Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
