The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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