not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
