I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize