we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
