i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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