Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize