Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
