my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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